Can storied urn or animated bust
Back to its mansion call the fleeting breath?
Can Honour's voice provoke the silent dust,
Or Flatt'ry soothe the dull cold ear of Death?
-Thomas Hardy “Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard”
When you walk into The Homewood Cemetery, one of the first things you will notice is the sea of headstones extending in all directions. These stones are used to mark a life. On most of them, a lifetime of experience is distilled down into a date of birth, a date of death, a name, and a label for how this person wanted to be remembered- father, wife, or loving daughter. However, the gravestones, and the cemetery itself, are not only for the dead. Cemeteries and gravestones provide a physical connection between the dead and the living. When you go to a cemetery, you will walk by the sea of headstones in order to reach your destination. You are forced to actively participate in the experience of the cemetery. In De Certeau’s analysis of “Walking in the City” he posits that the act of walking is a form of self-expression and language. In order to understand and form a relationship with a location, it is necessary to actively walk and interact with the space; you cannot remain in the space as only a spectator. De Certeau states that “Walking affirms, suspects, tries out, transgresses, respects, etc., the trajectories it “speaks.”” (99). The physical location of a cemetery carries all of society’s associations with death, ritual, and remembrance, which helps us orient our thoughts while we are there. When we walk in a cemetery and interact with the space, we are also forced to confront our thoughts surrounding death and legacy. What happens, then, when death is not marked by a physical space of remembrance, but is instead left to be interpreted abstractly by the living who are left behind?
In the US, cremation is quickly becoming a popular alternative to burial. Currently, a little over 50% of families in the US will choose to cremate their loved ones (Barron), compared to the less than 4% of families that chose cremation before the 1980s (Zaslow). This trend can be attributed to a variety of factors including a demographic shift away from religion, cheaper costs for cremation, and the increasing mobility of American society. In the past, religious traditions dictated many of the rituals associated with death. However, as Americans are becoming less religious, they are growing more open to less traditional funerals and less traditional ways of commemorating the dead. Additionally, some religious institutions, like the Roman Catholic Church, have begun to allow for cremations (Barron). Cemeteries have responded to this shift by providing cremation options as well as burial options. The Homewood Cemetery offers “one of the greatest varieties of cremation memorials available anywhere.” (“Cremation”). Some of these options include a lawn garden specifically reserved for cremated remains which uses bronze plaques to memorialize the deceased, an indoor mausoleum where cremation urns can be memorialized, or an in-ground burial in the Garden of Rest which offers no physical memorial for the dead. The variety of available cremation options allow people to have a greater degree of control over the price of memorialization. The growing acceptance of cremation has made its cheaper price tag a worthwhile consideration for many Americans. However, the other main factor contributing to the popularity of cremation is the increasing mobility of American society. Many Americans will not die in their hometowns or near the rest of their family. This means that cemeteries may be less accessible to family members due to distance (Cooper-White). If a gravestone can’t be visited, it is harder to justify the benefits of having this physical connection to the deceased. As interacting with the physical location of a cemetery has become more difficult, cremations have begun offering new paths for commemorating the dead.
After cremation, all that is left of the human body is about three to nine pounds of ashes, or cremains. While roughly a third of people do choose to bury the cremated remains of their loved ones, another third of people have the ashes scattered, and the last third chooses to keep the ashes (Cooper-White). These last two thirds of people do not receive the same physical reminder of their loved ones that a tombstone or a cemetery would provide. They do not get to participate in the form of self-expression that comes from the experience of walking in the city of the dead. However, scattering ashes and keeping cremains can also be rituals of self-expression. Many people choose to have their ashes scattered at places that they found meaningful in life. The experience of scattering ashes is a way that friends and family can still feel the effects of the deceased person’s presence in their lives. It is an experience that the living can share, which will remind them of the person they have lost. Keeping cremains can also be a way to make the rituals of death more personal. In modern times, there are a variety of things that can be done with cremains, aside from keeping them in an urn. Some examples of things that can be made from cremains are vinyl records, jewelry, portraits, and even tattoos (Cooper-White). With the large array of options for keeping cremains, the final choice of what to do with them can be deeply connected to the life and experiences of the person who is being remembered. Someone who loved music can forever be a part of their favorite record, an artist can be a part of the creation of a new painting even after they are gone, or an oceans enthusiast can become part of a reef system that supports life in the space that they loved (“Memorial Reefs”). As stated on the website of the Cremation Association of North America: “Cremation offers a way to memorialize a loved one in a context that is meaningful to the loved one and to the survivors.”
Cemeteries like The Homewood Cemetery have been an important part of American society for a long time. They provide an introspective space separate from our everyday lives where we can remember our loved ones and begin to say goodbye to them. Visiting a cemetery also helps force us to confront our grief by making us interact with a space that is so connected to death. However, remembrance does not have to take place in a physical space. While cemeteries are one way to honor the dead, the dead can also be honored in a variety of other ways. The many personalized ways that cremation can be carried out can help the rituals of death feel more connected to the specific person who was lost. As Thomas Hardy points out in “Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard,” an urn or an animated bust won’t bring the dead back to life. However, their memory will live on in any of the ways that people may choose to celebrate their lives, whether it is through a gravestone or a vinyl record.
Works Cited
Barron, James. “In a Move Away From Tradition, Cremations Increase.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 10 Aug. 2017, www.nytimes.com/2017/08/10/nyregion/cremations-increase-in-a-move-away-from-tradition.html?module=WatchingPortal®ion=c-column-middle-span-region&pgType=Homepage&action=click&mediaId=thumb_square&state=standard&contentPlacement=13&version=interna&_r=0.
“Choosing Cremation.” Cremation Association of North America (CANA), www.cremationassociation.org/page/Consumers.
“Cremation.” The Homewood Cemetery, www.thehomewoodcemetery.com/?page=269.
Cooper-White, Macrina. “Cremation Is More Popular Than Ever, And Here's Why.” HuffPost, HuffPost, 7 Dec. 2017, www.huffpost.com/entry/cremation-on-the-rise-infographic_n_5669195.
Gray, Thomas. “Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard.” Poetry Foundation, Poetry Foundation, www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44299/elegy-written-in-a-country-churchyard.
Lovejoy, Bess. “Cremation Is on the Rise, but Where to Put the Ashes?” Time, Time, 13 June 2013, ideas.time.com/2013/06/13/cremation-is-on-the-rise-but-where-to-put-the-ashes/.
“Memorial Reefs.” Cremation.com, www.cremation.com/cremation-memorialization/eternal-reefs/.
Rendall, Steven, translator. “Walking in the City.” The Practice of Everyday Life, by Michel De Certeau, University of California Press, 1984, pp. 91–110.
Zaslow, Jeffrey. “Love, Honor, Cherish and Scatter.” The Wall Street Journal, Dow Jones & Company, 3 Feb. 2010, www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052748703422904575039280799336638.